This father by virtue of having only boys is well-versed in boyspeak and only those who love boys, have them or happen to be fluent in their language will be able to understand it. Others not so versed, at times will be tempted to think that boyspeak is just TMI, gross manners or sheer stupidity, but that would be the wrong conclusion... Boyspeak is truly not so much a language as it is an art form. It is as much what you say in the lines as between them. Sometimes it’s all there in the lines. Sometimes not.
The origin of boyspeak dates back to the dawn of boys. That’s a pretty long time ago. In fact, no one really knows how old boyspeak really is. It’s a mystery. Boys happened and then they started talking. There has been boyspeak ever since.
Boyspeak requires the exercise of discernment and, depending on the case, the reader or listener should be advised that when found between a rock and hard place the best option is neither to read nor to listen. You be the judge of whether to keep reading or not. Boys will always be compelled to exercise their right to boyspeak. It’s a law of nature.
So one day the father in question was driving in his car with all his boys, who sometimes are not even aware of how skilled they happen to be at boyspeak, and hears the following question,
"Papá, do you prefer to use it folded or crumpled?"
If you laughed at this question or were merely disgusted by it, I must tell you, my dear reader, that you should never attempt to speak or understand boyspeak. Your frustrations will be many and I just want to spare you.
People, especially fathers, well-versed in boyspeak process instinctively the sound of boyspeak and when boyspeak hits them they will either stand their ground or fall. I have seen it happen many times. The harder they come... I’m sad to say that boyspeak is not for everyone.
Seriously, those versed in boyspeak usually have the ability to turn their boyspeak mode on and off at will. Some don’t know their boyspeak mode is on all the time. They don’t have a switch and for these there’s no hope of turning boyspeak off. Boyspeak is the modus vivendi, the prima and only lingua. Boyspeak any day and every day. Such is the case of the father of this story.
Immediately after hearing the boyspeak question above from one his boyspeaking boys, the father took a second or two to ponder on his answer, which as you might have guessed was in eloquent boyspeak. Truth be told, boyspeak like this has seldom been spoken. His hands remained on the steering wheel, his eyes focused on the road, his mind in full (always invariably) boyspeak mode, he answered very matter-of-factly,
“Folded. Neatly folded.”
Now here’s where, if you’re really well-versed in boyspeak, a chuckle or two might be appropriate. But this father’s boys aren’t the single or dual chuckling type. They plain burst out laughing. Please don’t laugh, my dear reader. You see, there are times when boyspeak requires you to take it on the chin. You fight boyspeak with boyspeak as some fight fire with fire, although in this case there’s not really a fight. This is just how this particular father and his boys roll... or boyspeak. It happens, you know.
"Papá, do you prefer to use it folded or crumpled?"
If you laughed at this question or were merely disgusted by it, I must tell you, my dear reader, that you should never attempt to speak or understand boyspeak. Your frustrations will be many and I just want to spare you.
People, especially fathers, well-versed in boyspeak process instinctively the sound of boyspeak and when boyspeak hits them they will either stand their ground or fall. I have seen it happen many times. The harder they come... I’m sad to say that boyspeak is not for everyone.
Seriously, those versed in boyspeak usually have the ability to turn their boyspeak mode on and off at will. Some don’t know their boyspeak mode is on all the time. They don’t have a switch and for these there’s no hope of turning boyspeak off. Boyspeak is the modus vivendi, the prima and only lingua. Boyspeak any day and every day. Such is the case of the father of this story.
Immediately after hearing the boyspeak question above from one his boyspeaking boys, the father took a second or two to ponder on his answer, which as you might have guessed was in eloquent boyspeak. Truth be told, boyspeak like this has seldom been spoken. His hands remained on the steering wheel, his eyes focused on the road, his mind in full (always invariably) boyspeak mode, he answered very matter-of-factly,
“Folded. Neatly folded.”
Now here’s where, if you’re really well-versed in boyspeak, a chuckle or two might be appropriate. But this father’s boys aren’t the single or dual chuckling type. They plain burst out laughing. Please don’t laugh, my dear reader. You see, there are times when boyspeak requires you to take it on the chin. You fight boyspeak with boyspeak as some fight fire with fire, although in this case there’s not really a fight. This is just how this particular father and his boys roll... or boyspeak. It happens, you know.
